Guest Blog-Louise Neil

Stop Giving Feedback and Start Gifting It

I can remember as clear as day, sitting there in her office getting feedback on something that had happened days ago. I can no longer remember what the offence was, but let me tell you, I sure remember how it made me feel. I remember I left her office on shaky legs and severely stunned. I went back to my office to try to process the interaction. I was confused and felt small and unheard. Not only was I unsure about being blasted by my leader, but I wasn’t sure what I should even do next. I also remember in that an instant, my relationship with my leader changed. It also changed the way I looked at the kind of leader I wanted to be and how I wanted to deliver feedback to my team members.

For a long time, I took the complete opposite approach, delivering a sugar-coated message trying too hard not to offend or make anyone feel like I did on that fateful day.

But I wasn’t getting the results I was looking for. The team members who were so full of potential and skill, didn’t embrace my vision. I often felt frustrated and disrespected when things would continue with out change. I found myself having to give more and more feedback and dreading it over and over again.  

Then like a ray of sunshine, I had a leader (a different leader as clearly the last one wasn’t going to work out) give me some feedback on my feedback and it changed the way I ran my team. In fact, it changed the way I was showing up at work, it changed my relationships, and it altered my own career path. Through coaching and modeling, she was able to show me the true power of feedback. It became a tool to inspire and lift. When you can alter your mindset around feedback and focus on how impactful it can be, what can seem like a punishment to many, can in fact be a gift when you follow these five simple rules…

5 Rules for Gifting Feedback

1. Feedback is based on facts, not opinions.

We all can bring baggage into feedback conversations, getting clear on your own story and taking time to acknowledge the difference between fact and story, helps you communicate the actionable items and keeps the feedback about the present moment (not about you).

2. Feedback is clear and collaborative.

When feedback is clear on what has occurred, what the impact is, and what the outcome will be, it becomes actionable. When designing the path forward, be sure to include your team member in clearing the path. It builds in accountability and trust.

 3. Feedback has one of two outcomes.

The intention of giving feedback is to either help create a new path or direction because the current one leads to undesirable results, or to encourage more of the same promising results. It is not designed to scold, shame, guilt, or reprimand. As a leader, if you are needing to reprimand an action, that is not a feedback conversation and one you should involve your HR department with.

 4. Feedback is forward thinking.

Although feedback is based on facts and things that have happened in the recent past, it is best not to dwell. Being clear about the impact the action had and will continue to have if it goes unchecked is important in establishing impact, but the intention of feedback it to alter (or stay) the course.

5. Feedback is kind.

At the end of the day, the only time you want to be giving feedback is when there is a something to be gained from it. Feedback is meant to be impactful, so it should be given with the intention of making an impact.

Another big lesson for me is…clearly not everyone understands it as a tool for growth. Many carry the same story about feedback I did when on the receiving end of a crappy interaction and it can feel harsh and personal.  Although it might not be wrapped up in a pretty package with a bow, it can still be a gift. My crappy experience was a gift to me, so I could see what kind of leader I did not want to be. And at the end of the day, I choose how to use the experience.

I’ve seen and experienced firsthand how powerful and impactful well-crafted feedback conversations can be and how they can shape and build you and your team.

To hone the craft of giving and receiving feedback, I created  Mastering Feedback from Both Ends course which tackles how to deliver both redirecting and reinforcing feedback as well as how to solicit your own feedback. I

 Feedback is a powerful tool to have in your toolbox as you develop your leadership abilities and define the kind leader you want to be.

CLick Here for 20% off (the Harvey discount!) of the “Mastering Feedback from Both Ends” course.

About Louise Neil:

I am a professionally certified career engagement, leadership and life coach running a small business here in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada called Pivoting Point Career Solutions, solely dedicated to helping folks find purpose and joy in the work they do. Besides being an internationally certified coach, I am also a Neurolinguistic Program (NLP) Practitioner, graduate of the Courageous Living Coach Certification program, co-host of Your Kickass Career Community as well as The Best Parts Podcast. I do mostly private one-on-one coaching in career engagement, pivot planning and leadership centred around using your gifts and strengths to find flow and ease at work.

 I love helping midlife professionals breathe life back into their careers so they find clarity, purpose, and joy is my jam and I want the world to work differently at work.

You can connect with Louise at www.louiseneil.com