Stop “Shoulding” on yourself

“Shoulding” is not pretty. Stop it. Stop telling yourself that you “should” do this or you “should” do that or you “should” feel a certain way or you “should” be living a certain way. Shoulds are adding pressure, guilt, fear, unhappiness or an array of other emotions or thoughts that are not helpful.

What can you replace should with? How about hope? How about want? How about can?

Ways to not should.

Go from “I should go to the gym” to “I don’t feel like going to the gym so I am going to go on a long bike ride because that will bring me health and joy.”

Move from “I should go to that party because if not, David will think I’m not interested in him” to “ I am going to stay in tonight because I am so excited to see what happens in my book. I’ll see if David wants to grab coffee tomorrow instead.”

Adjust “I should go to every single one of Jeremy’s soccer games” to “I will get to as many of my son’s soccer games as I can. When I miss a game for work or self care, I will be modeling the importance of taking care of myself and my family.”

When you change “should” to “want”, there is a completely different level of stress or expectation around it. “Should” adds a feeling of “must” where “want” adds a feeling from the heart, a feeling of desire.

So, here is your assignment if you choose to accept it:

Write out a list of “shoulds” in your life that add stress or pressure or weigh you down.

Then reevaluate them- whether they even need to be a part of your life or if you can change it to a want.

Let me be clear, I am not saying, “pretend that all of your responsibilities are not difficult and that you can just act like you really want to do them.” I AM saying take a look at your shoulds and get rid of the ones you can and shift your mindset towards the ones you can.